Am I Honestly Happy for My Friends?

A few days ago, I saw on Facebook that an old friend of mine, “Ashley,” just got engaged to her boyfriend of two years. I was so happy for her. I got engaged in September, and now a friend I had known since I was just 11 years old (she was 9) got engaged just 7 months after me. How exciting! Even though we hadn’t really kept in touch because her family moved back to the States in 2007, we always sent each other messages here and there, or liked a photo every month or two. As I was browsing through their engagement photos, I wondered to myself, “Would I still be happy for her if I wasn’t engaged too?” Continue reading “Am I Honestly Happy for My Friends?”

Good Things Can’t Happen To Me?

When a lot of really good things are happening in my life, I worry. I worry that if good things happen, something bad has to come up just to even things out. If you’ve read my post “Scared To Be Happy” (which is apparently my top post!), you’ll see this is nothing new. I’ve struggled with this for a long time, and you may be struggling too.  Continue reading “Good Things Can’t Happen To Me?”

Warm Bodies

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I watched the movie “Warm Bodies” yesterday. And no, this is not a movie review. Although it may contain spoilers so you are warned (though I wouldn’t recommend watching it anyway).
This movie really made me think. And it made me cry too. Not because of the cheesy romance though. Romance doesn’t really get to me. Maybe I’m cold-hearted. Anyway, it got to me because I over-analyzed it.  Continue reading “Warm Bodies”

Scared To Be Happy?

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I realized something today. Something that is actually pretty sad. I’m scared of being happy. I don’t know what happened in my life to make me this way. But I am genuinely scared about being happy. I’m scared that if I’m happy, something horrible will happen. I’m scared that if good things happen, something bad must on it’s way. This is no way to live. Continue reading “Scared To Be Happy?”

Ants

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Today there was an ant in my kitchen. Normally I try to “save” bugs that get into my house by capture and release, but my mom got to this poor little guy first. And so there he was, crumpled in a tiny little heap. But his legs were still moving! I felt so bad for the crippled ant at this point. Which is probably kind of pathetic, I know. But this little guys’ legs kept wiggling about and I had to put him out his misery. So I grabbed a tissue and tried to squish him again. But he just wouldn’t squish. I know ants are strong and all, but holy crap I put all my weight on this tissue and he WAS STILL ALIVE! Sometimes this is how I feel about my anxiety.  Continue reading “Ants”

I Hate My Brain Sometimes

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Sometimes I hate my brain.
I hate thinking so much. I hate the fact that I always jump to the worst case scenario. I hate that horrible, frightening, and sometimes even disturbing thoughts have the ability to ruin my day.
I hate that every time I cough I become paranoid that it’s something serious. I hate that every headache I get, I worry I have a brain tumor. I hate that even when I have nothing to worry about, I worry there’s something wrong with me because I’m not worrying.

But even after all that – I still love my brain.  Continue reading “I Hate My Brain Sometimes”

Good Day

I honestly don’t have a lot to say today, but like I said before I need to blog every day. So I just wanted to say that today has been a good day. I went out with one of my friends and met two new awesome people, got 4 new issues of The Walking Dead, and just felt happy for the first time in a while. I also did not have a high anxiety day, which is rare lately. 

So yeah. Even if this feeling doesn’t last very long, I had a good day and that’s all that matters.