This past week(ish) has been the week of appointments. In total, I had four. FOUR medical appointments in less than a week. I had a blood work (AH!), a (very long, very extensive) ultrasound of my entire abdomen, my first appointment at an anxiety clinic (more on that later), and a follow up with my doctor. What a week it has been.
I am actually pretty proud of myself, because I am terrible with doctor’s appointments. I HATE getting blood drawn, and even though ultrasounds don’t hurt, they are definitely not comfortable for me. So, the fact that I was able to get through all these appointments, work my regular hours, and still be mostly fine is nothing short of a miracle!
Actually, it isn’t really a miracle – it just shows how far I’ve come in the last few years! A few years ago, my dad took me to a blood work appointment and I panicked, cried (yes, I was 22 and I bawled my eyes out), and ran out of the room before they could call me in.
This time I confidently went into the room, told the nurse I get lightheaded and need to do it laying down…and did it! I did feel a bit lightheaded after it was done, so I waited about 5 minutes before leaving. And that was that.
In case you’re wondering, the reason I have all these medical tests is because I am finally trying to figure out WHAT exactly is wrong with my stomach/digestive system. As usual, nothing is showing up abnormal – which is both frustrating and relieving. I still have to wait for the results of my ultrasound though, and I am also being referred to a GI specialist. So. We’ll see.
As for the anxiety clinic, I was recently referred to this clinic that only accepts a limited number of patients. My first appointment was just a medical history breakdown. Then I answered approximately one BILLION psych evaluations online, and my next appointment is in September.
I am terrified, and also really excited. This clinic is no joke. If I get accepted into their treatment program, I will likely have to do CBT and for the first time ever, and will really have to face my anxiety (like my emetophobia) head on. So, yeah. I am ready. Finally ready for treatment, if they’ll take me.
But I am also terrified because, well, this is me. I have always been this way. I don’t know what it’s like to not have daily panic attacks (yes, daily). Or freak out every time my stomach hurts. Or to not constantly have racing, unwanted thoughts about something terrible happening to me/my family running through my head.
Honestly, all I want to blog about is my new puppy that comes home in September. I want to forget about all these medical tests and anxiety and focus on the thing I am SO excited for. But, the purpose of my blog has always been to be honest about mental illness. So here it is!
This post is a victory post/an update post/a rant, but my last few have not really been about anything other than the INCOMING PUP, so I figured you were due a life update!