Anxiety, Life In General

No Change Is…Still Change, Apparently?

no change

I often talk about how even good change is still change – and how hard that is on someone who hates change. For example, my husband and I recently moved in with my parents, which ended up being very good change…but it was still hard. Now I’ve been faced with something new; a non-change that…still feels like change. 

This is the first September in literally 20 years that I will not be going to school. Even during my year off between high school and university, I went back to school in September – I initially planned on doing a victory lap until my guidance counsellor was like, “yo, why are you here?”

On Saturday, I worked for a few hours. Then the long weekend came and went, and on Tuesday my brother returned to university, my mom went back to school (she’s a teacher) and my dad I stayed home (my Dad just retired from teaching in June!)

I wondered all day why I felt so anxious. Aside from my brother and mom not being home, nothing changed. At all. I opened my laptop, began my workday, and began writing my articles like I have done every single Tuesday for almost a year now. But I still felt like something was off. I felt like something had changed.

I guess this non-change was still sort of a change, right? The first time in pretty much my entire life that September did not signal the beginning of a new school year. The first time in 20 years when there would be no “Tuesday back.”

But really, I think my brain just likes to mess with me.

“Hey,” I imagine my dumb brain saying. “You know how nothing is changing and you have no reason to feel anxious this September?”

“Yeah!”

“Well, I’m gonna make you feel anxious anywaaaaaay doesn’t that sound like fun okay bye!”

How I feel:

giphy (3)

Thanks, brain.

gif from: Giphy.com

9 thoughts on “No Change Is…Still Change, Apparently?”

  1. The first time you don’t go back to school is suuuuper weird. Know what else is weird? My parents are both teachers too. Retired now, but still subbing. Imagine how weird it is to be a teacher and not go back to school? 12+ years as a student then 30+ years as a teacher?

    1. It is definitely a weird feeling! I don’t know how long it will take for me to actually get used to it. I sort of miss school, but I absolutely love my job and am very happy to…not be in school right now! And yes, my dad has been saying how he feels extremely weird all week lol!

    2. I work for a small marketing company! I write content articles, do graphic design work, and am in charge of social media :) It’s all 100% from home, which is seriously perfect for me lol

  2. I love your blog! I’ve always loved the feeling of a beginning and an end to the school year, it was very calming. I think that played a role in my decision to go into education. Except I don’t have a job right now so my days are very strange lol.

    1. Thank you!! I know, the start of the school year was always like a strange combination of VERY excited and a little anxiety (normal anxiety for once!) I always loved school, and even though I am very happy to be done for now, I miss it. And I can imagine! It must feel a bit strange!

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