I’ve been having a hard time blogging lately (what a surprise! Not like you’ve ever heard that before). The problem is, I feel like I have so many ideas floating around my head, I just can’t seem to think of anything concise enough to actually write about it. So instead, I’m just gonna write about a bunch of stuff.
This is a list (definitely not a definitive list) of stuff I truly suck at. Why am I writing this? I guess because I like being honest about my life here. I also couldn’t think of anything else to write about today. So, there’s that. Plus, I am way too prideful (#1, I suck at humility), so this is a good exercise in admitting I actually do suck at a lot of things.
#2: I suck at listening to opinions I don’t agree with.
Now, a lot of people suck at this, but I think I often take it to the next level. For example, I got into a heated debate with my husband about “how good” a Hearthstone card was. I was very invested. Too invested. About a fictional, digital card.
This morning, I read a blog post by some old, white man stating why Christian men should never marry a woman older than them because although it’s not an “actual sin,” it’s not “God’s ideal” (you know, because of all that “head of the household” stuff). It is no surprise that I don’t agree with this, and it made me beyond angry.
The problem is, I was just as angry about the stupid Hearthstone card as I was about a real, legitimate issue. If I ever met that man in person, I know I wouldn’t be able to have a conversation with him without completely exploding. Even though I don’t agree with him and actually think his views are harmful, I should still be able to give him the respect to voice his opinion. But at this point, I can’t.
And that may not matter to some random blogger who I will never meet, but it does matter to my husband, and to my parents. I am incapable of listening to their opinions and accepting that yes, people have different opinions and that’s just life. That sucks.
#3: I suck at saying “no.”
Well, I suck at saying no to people I don’t know well. I am great at saying no to my family (sometimes I suck at saying “yes” to family!) This is one that ends up sucking for me and for the person who asked me.
I have a hard time saying no. I feel guilty. I am scared of people’s reactions. Now that my husband works at a church, people ask me to do things all the time. Lots of these things are outside my comfort zone.
Of course, I love helping out my church in anyway I can. I volunteer twice a week for two different programs, and I make all of my husband’s advertisements and posters for upcoming events.
However, I’ve already been asked by three different people to do additional things, things that did not fall inside my strengths and gifting. I was able to say no to two of them, but one I had such a hard time! I almost signed myself up for something totally outside my comfort zone – something I would have been terrible at – and that’s not fair to the person running this event.
I still haven’t told this person no yet, (I told them maybe) but I’m going to this week. Being able to say no when you KNOW it’s not something you can do well is a skill I just don’t possess yet. Because for me, if I don’t say no right away, I end up being a horrible person and cancelling last minute because my anxiety is so intense about the whole situation. Saying no in the first place would have saved them the stress of having someone cancel on them the day of!
#4: I suck at asking for help.
This really goes along with the pride thing. It’s also an anxiety thing, but mostly a pride thing. I want to do everything myself, even when I have reached the mental limit of being able to do so.
I end up waiting way too long, getting completely overwhelmed, and having a breakdown – instead of just asking for help when I needed it. A great example of this is my statistics class (5 weeks down, 7 to go!)
Now, I don’t necessarily think there’s anything wrong with doing things yourself. But when you want to do things yourself because you’re too prideful to ask for help, that’s a problem. I don’t want my pride to get in the way of an easier life! I want to be comfortable asking my friends and family for help when I need it, instead of suffering in silence.
So yes, this is a list of four things I truly suck at. Maybe this list will help you realize some things you suck. Because we all suck. But I don’t want this to be a negative post! These things I suck at, well, I believe with a lot of prayer and practice and time, I won’t suck at forever.
There are things I used to suck at that I don’t anymore! Like talking to strangers, and feeling comfortable eating out at a restaurant (and just eating in general, actually) and sleeping over at new places.
So today, I’ll pray about the things I suck at, and tomorrow, I’ll probably still suck at them just as much. But hopefully in a year or two from now, I can cross a few of those things off my list.