Anxiety, Uncategorized

How?

how

I feel like I just don’t know how to function properly anymore. The last year of my life was so stressful, I think I learned even more unhealthy ways of life-management. And trust me, I already had so many locked away up in my barely-functioning brain.

How am I going to finish my last semester at university when I can barely write a blog post? How am I going to pass the dreaded stats course?

How am I going to be a selfless, loving wife when I can only think about myself and my problems?

How am I going to get up out of bed in the mornings when, honestly, most of the time it just doesn’t feel worth it anymore?

How am I going to make it through this year? How am I going to make it through this month? This week? This day? This hour?

I don’t know.

I want to give you the good, Christian answer and say, “God! Duh!” But when you’re this low, it just feels like you’re faking it. So even though I know that’s the answer, even though I know that’s what I want to say, the truth right now is just…I don’t know.

I’m not going to sugar coat it or pretend I have it all figured out. I’m not going to use the Sunday School answer just to satisfy my parents who I know sometimes read my blog.

I know it sounds like I’m totally hopeless, but I’m only a little bit hopeless.

It’s hard, but I can see a glimmer of joy going back to school.

It’s hard, but I can look back at times when I know I was selfless and caring and stopped worrying about myself for at least a few seconds.

It’s hard, but I also know that for the last 24 years, I have gotten up out of bed and I have made it through the years and through the months and through the days and through the hours.

So, how am I going to do it again? I’m not exactly sure. But I will.

4 thoughts on “How?”

  1. You are not alone. I can completely relate to your post. I hope you start to feel better soon. I am following you so that I can read more.

    1. Thank you so much! It always helps knowing you aren’t alone. I read a few of your posts and oh my gosh, I felt like I was reading something I wrote myself. I know what I’ll be reading all night tonight :P

  2. Ooo…the dreaded stats class. I was in stats last semester. I need to retake it because I missed too many classes, but stats wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be. I’m actually mostly okay with it. Hopefully you’ll find it’s not as bad as you thought too.

    As for all your worries, how are you going to do it? The same way you got through today, and yesterday, and the day before that. You just keep going, taking it one step at a time.

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