I feel like I just don’t know how to function properly anymore. The last year of my life was so stressful, I think I learned even more unhealthy ways of life-management. And trust me, I already had so many locked away up in my barely-functioning brain.
How am I going to finish my last semester at university when I can barely write a blog post? How am I going to pass the dreaded stats course?
How am I going to be a selfless, loving wife when I can only think about myself and my problems?
How am I going to get up out of bed in the mornings when, honestly, most of the time it just doesn’t feel worth it anymore?
How am I going to make it through this year? How am I going to make it through this month? This week? This day? This hour?
I don’t know.
I want to give you the good, Christian answer and say, “God! Duh!” But when you’re this low, it just feels like you’re faking it. So even though I know that’s the answer, even though I know that’s what I want to say, the truth right now is just…I don’t know.
I’m not going to sugar coat it or pretend I have it all figured out. I’m not going to use the Sunday School answer just to satisfy my parents who I know sometimes read my blog.
I know it sounds like I’m totally hopeless, but I’m only a little bit hopeless.
It’s hard, but I can see a glimmer of joy going back to school.
It’s hard, but I can look back at times when I know I was selfless and caring and stopped worrying about myself for at least a few seconds.
It’s hard, but I also know that for the last 24 years, I have gotten up out of bed and I have made it through the years and through the months and through the days and through the hours.
So, how am I going to do it again? I’m not exactly sure. But I will.