About two months ago (I think) I wrote a post about trying out anti-anxiety medication. My doctor gave me the most basic, least-likely-t0-react-to meds, and put me on the lowest dose. I refused to take them. So many times I thought I was going to, but then I didn’t. Well guess what, yesterday, I finally did it. I took the stupid pill.
The biggest reason I delayed taking the meds for so long was because I am terrified of having allergic reactions to medication. When I was 12 years old, my doctor put me on a very common acid reflux medication. I reacted. Couldn’t breath. Hospitalized. Fun times!
Anyway, that sparked a deep phobia of having allergic reactions to medication. But yesterday I got over my fear, I took the medication, and you know what?
I had an allergic reaction.
Yup. I had an allergic reaction. It wasn’t your typical, “I can’t breath!” allergic reaction, so at first I thought the symptoms were normal. But then I got nervous once the symptoms hadn’t gone away before bedtime, and called Telehealth (a Canadian health hotline). They told me to go to the ER. So I did. At 12:00 A.M.
I was there until 5:00 in the morning and as I write this, I am beyond exhausted. The doctor said the reaction wasn’t severe, benedryl would take care of it, but that I couldn’t take the medication anymore and should contact my doctor about next steps.
How am I EVER going to be able to work up the courage to take another medication after this? The allergic reaction phobia stopped me from taking the meds, I work up the courage to TAKE the meds, and then BAM! My worst fears ACTUALLY HAPPEN.
I feel so lost right now. Medication was my last resort and I feel like someone is playing a horrible trick on me. This medication was the easiest one with the least amount of side effects and an extremely low chance of having an allergic reaction. Of course, I’m that “one in a million.”
I feel like I took a huge step forward, and then a MASSIVE step backwards. What am I going to do? How am I going to move forward? Honestly, I don’t even know. I have nothing positive to say this morning and I just don’t see things getting any better from here.