Two days ago, my husband and I heard some pretty crappy news. I can’t go into the details, at least not right now, but we were so disappointed. A possible future opportunity for the both of us completely fell through, right after it looked like it was going to work out.
Surprise, surprise, I don’t deal with disappointment very well. Even though this opportunity was never a for sure thing, I had built it up in my head as if it were.
“This is perfect,” I kept telling myself. “Everything about this is perfect. It will solve all of our problems. It will make me feel secure. It’s so obvious that this is what God wants for us.”
But none of that was true.
In reality, it wasn’t perfect. Everything about it was not perfect. There were some things about this opportunity that I was skeptical and worried about. In hindsight, I did not even see it as “perfect” when the opportunity was still…well…an option. But after it fell through, I couldn’t stop glorifying it.
It also would not solve all of our problems. No future opportunity can. And feeling secure? I think you should never feel secure in anything (other than God). Your schooling, your job, your partner, your family…you shouldn’t find total security in any of those things because none of those things are permanent.
Clearly, this also wasn’t what God wanted for us. Because everything seemed so perfect to me, I assumed that meant it was from God. That’s not how it works.
So, I am still a bit disappointed, but I’m not crying about it anymore, and I’m not letting it ruin my day today. The future is so incredibly uncertain right now for my husband and I. And it is terrifying. But I’ve realized that it is also exciting. Right now we have so many options. So many possible paths. Some things are going to fall through. Some things are going to work out. That’s life.
So, I’m dealing with this disappointment better than I have in the past. I’m realizing that this opportunity was not picture-perfect and I need to stop glamorizing it.
I need to stop worshipping the idea of security, and instead, worship the One who can actually give it to me.
Besides, if i want to have a career in writing, I better get used to rejection and disappointment.