Right now, I feel like I’m living my life in a weird, in-between state. I’m constantly looking forward to a time when I will finally be “settled.” But, honestly, I’m not sure that time will ever exist.
What is my life in-between? Right now, I’m still a student. But…I’m married. I’m waiting to hear back about a job opportunity…but I haven’t yet. I’m almost finished school (just four classes left!)…but I’m not quite done yet.
I feel like both an adult and a teenager at the same time.
I live on my own and take care of a household, but sometimes my mom still makes appointments for me because I’m so busy.
I’m in the process of interviewing for a serious, actual, career opportunity, but I won’t be able to work full-time yet because I still have classes.
I somehow manage pay multiple bills each month on time, but can barely keep track of them.
Life in-between is weird. I definitely don’t feel like an adult. Maybe I never will. But I guess I sort of assumed that when I got married, I would be done university, already have a job, and be able to afford a house.
Boy, was I wrong.
I’m almost 24. I don’t have a job (yet). I don’t have my undergrad (yet). I don’t have my own house (yet). All these things appear to be just in the horizon. I’ll be done school in less than a year, possibly by the end of the summer. I might have a really awesome job by the end of the month. My husband and I might be able to afford a house of our own in the next year or so.
But right now, all those things are just possibilities. We are in a state of the unknown. As someone who suffers from anxiety, this really scares me. But as a Christian, I know this means I have to do all I can to trust God.
As someone suffering from life in-between syndrome, I find myself constantly looking towards the future.
“I can’t wait until I’m done school so I can work.”
“I can’t wait until I have a job so I can make money and buy a house.”
“I can’t wait until I have a house so we can have kids.”
But then what?
“I can’t wait until the kids start school?”
“I can’t wait until the kids move out?”
“I can’t wait until we buy a bigger house?”
“I can’t wait until we retire?”
Life in-between is a weird, but necessary stage. I know I should stop wishing it away, because I think most of life is done in-between stages. And there will always be something I could look towards if I don’t stop thinking this way now. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life waiting for things.
So, I think I’m going to try my very best to enjoy the weird, in-between stage my husband and I find ourselves in right now. Because if all of life is spent in weird, in-between stages, I better get used to it.