Life In General

Life In-between

inbetween

Right now, I feel like I’m living my life in a weird, in-between state. I’m constantly looking forward to a time when I will finally be “settled.” But, honestly, I’m not sure that time will ever exist.

What is my life in-between? Right now, I’m still a student. But…I’m married. I’m waiting to hear back about a job opportunity…but I haven’t yet. I’m almost finished school (just four classes left!)…but I’m not quite done yet.

I feel like both an adult and a teenager at the same time.

I live on my own and take care of a household, but sometimes my mom still makes appointments for me because I’m so busy.

I’m in the process of interviewing for a serious, actual, career opportunity, but I won’t be able to work full-time yet because I still have classes.

I somehow manage pay multiple bills each month on time, but can barely keep track of them.

Life in-between is weird. I definitely don’t feel like an adult. Maybe I never will. But I guess I sort of assumed that when I got married, I would be done university, already have a job, and be able to afford a house.

Boy, was I wrong.

I’m almost 24. I don’t have a job (yet). I don’t have my undergrad (yet). I don’t have my own house (yet). All these things appear to be just in the horizon. I’ll be done school in less than a year, possibly by the end of the summer. I might have a really awesome job by the end of the month. My husband and I might be able to afford a house of our own in the next year or so.

But right now, all those things are just possibilities. We are in a state of the unknown. As someone who suffers from anxiety, this really scares me. But as a Christian, I know this means I have to do all I can to trust God.

As someone suffering from life in-between syndrome, I find myself constantly looking towards the future.

“I can’t wait until I’m done school so I can work.”
“I can’t wait until I have a job so I can make money and buy a house.”
“I can’t wait until I have a house so we can have kids.”

But then what?

“I can’t wait until the kids start school?”
“I can’t wait until the kids move out?”
“I can’t wait until we buy a bigger house?”
“I can’t wait until we retire?”

Life in-between is a weird, but necessary stage. I know I should stop wishing it away, because I think most of life is done in-between stages. And there will always be something I could look towards if I don’t stop thinking this way now. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life waiting for things.

So, I think I’m going to try my very best to enjoy the weird, in-between stage my husband and I find ourselves in right now. Because if all of life is spent in weird, in-between stages, I better get used to it.

 

 

4 thoughts on “Life In-between”

  1. Oh my goodness! You just described the first two years of my marriage….exactly! Being a married student is such an odd experience, and I know exactly what you mean about being in the “in between” stage – I think it’s just a part of life. That’s how God keeps us growing and drawing closer to him!

    1. I’m glad I’m not the only one! It’s such a strange thing, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to get used to these “in between” stages :P

  2. I struggle so much with this as well. I’ve felt in-between for a while now as my boyfriend and I are still not engaged and therefore still not married. Marriage has always been a desire of mine, but it’s been a true battle between my anxiety and thinking about the “whens” and the “I can’t wait until…” and simply trusting God in the moment. I look towards the future a lot and it’s such a struggle of mine because most of the time I am not intentionally doing it. I just like to know what’s going to happen and when, but of course life doesn’t work like that. It’s been really hard and many times, I’m tearful over this because I know I need to simply trust, but I am thankful that God’s so gracious that He meets me, each time, regardless of how many times I’ve gone back to worrying about the future and looking too far ahead instead of at Him, reminding me to “trust Him.”

    It’s very hard, though, and I relate to so much of your struggle although I’m sure we’re in different seasons of life and perhaps even longing for different things. Thank you for posting!

    1. I know exactly how you feel. I focus waaay too much on the future, and it causes a lot of unneeded anxiety and stress. I love knowing exactly what is going to happen and what that will look like in my life, but I’ve had to realize that is an unrealistic thing to want.
      Thank you for your comment – and God bless! :)

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