Trying Not To Freak Out


I am trying not to freak out this second, but you’ve caught me in the middle of a panic attack. I think I’ve written one other post in the midst of the storm, but I just want to remind you guys that this will probably be rambly and not make a whole lotta sense. 

I had blood work done last week after complaining about stomach problems (for the one millionth time) and feeling like my blood sugar had been off (I have had issues with low blood sugar in the past). Well, for the first time ever…the doctor has called me back about my blood work and wants to see. Today. I am absolutely FREAKING OUT right now. The blood work only checked for two things: H. Pylori (a really crappy stomach illness that takes a billion pills to cure) and my blood sugar (diabetes runs in my family so I am absolutely dying with anxiety here)

I’m trying to calm myself. They said it “wasn’t serious” but then why would they call me in and want to see me immediately? Something IS wrong. I can’t deny that. I just don’t know the extent of it. I can barely type right now because my hands are shaking and my lettterrss keepk comign out hllike this. My fingers are hitting all the keys too many times and smashing into the wrong ones. My toes are cold and numb. I feel like I’m going to throw up. I can’t concentrate. I can’t rationalize. All I can think of is: “You have diabetes. You have diabetes. You have diabetes” And yeah I know logically, that many people have diabetes and deal with it and live normal lives but it’s terrifying to me. To have to deal with all my mental health problems and then the idea of having to deal with a physical health problem piled on top of all my other ones.

I can’t write anymore. I’m sorry. I’ll update you guys though soon. Bye.

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