On Saturday, I married my best friend. And I was surprisingly calm all the days leading up to the wedding…except for the night before. And you know what, it wasn’t even because of pre-wedding anxiety (although, yes, I did experience some of those normal nerves before the big day). No, it was my stupid emetophobia.
On Friday, we had the rehearsal dinner. I was actually eating like a normal person up until this point. Months before, I was convinced I would be so nervous I wouldn’t be able to eat at all. Thankfully, I was wrong. My family’s and friend’s prayers clearly payed off because for the most part, my anxiety levels were extremely low. But then, the rehearsal dinner happened.
I waited too long to eat. That always upsets my stomach. And then when I did eat, I ate something with tomatoes (which are definitely not good for my empty, already too acidic stomach). And that completely set me off. I had to leave the dinner early, and I panicked for the next THREE hours.
“I can’t do it tomorrow,” I said to my mom. “There’s no way I can do it.”
My mom sternly told me: “Yes you can.” And then left me alone (because she knows I need to be alone when I panic).
So I took two gravols and waited. And waited and waited and waited. Until finally, a little past 12:00, I got sleepy. And then I woke up around 6:00 and was HUNGRY! Oh my goodness, I’m hungry on my wedding morning?
So I ate a scrambled egg. And then I went back to sleep.
Oh my goodness – actually able to sleep on my wedding morning?!
And then at 11:20, we drove to my church where the ceremony would take place at 11:30.
And then I walked down the aisle. And I didn’t panic. And my stomach didn’t hurt. And I was able to eat at my reception. And I was able to have fun with my friends, with my family, and with my new husband. And I was able to give my speech at the end without any anxiety. And I didn’t need to take a gravol at all that day. I didn’t even have one panic attack.
I actually think my normally calm, cool, and collected husband was more anxious than I was on our wedding day.
And now I’m on my honeymoon, feeling a tiny bit panicked because I hate hotels, making the best of it. Because if I could survive my wedding day, I feel like I could survive anything.