Anxiety, Emetophobia

So…I Got Married

gotmarr

On Saturday, I married my best friend. And I was surprisingly calm all the days leading up to the wedding…except for the night before. And you know what, it wasn’t even because of pre-wedding anxiety (although, yes, I did experience some of those normal nerves before the big day). No, it was my stupid emetophobia.

On Friday, we had the rehearsal dinner. I was actually eating like a normal person up until this point. Months before, I was convinced I would be so nervous I wouldn’t be able to eat at all. Thankfully, I was wrong. My family’s and friend’s prayers clearly payed off because for the most part, my anxiety levels were extremely low. But then, the rehearsal dinner happened.

I waited too long to eat. That always upsets my stomach. And then when I did eat, I ate something with tomatoes (which are definitely not good for my empty, already too acidic stomach). And that completely set me off. I had to leave the dinner early, and I panicked for the next THREE hours.

9:00-12:00. Panic.

“I can’t do it tomorrow,” I said to my mom. “There’s no way I can do it.”

My mom sternly told me: “Yes you can.” And then left me alone (because she knows I need to be alone when I panic).

So I took two gravols and waited. And waited and waited and waited. Until finally, a little past 12:00, I got sleepy. And then I woke up around 6:00 and was HUNGRY! Oh my goodness, I’m hungry on my wedding morning?

So I ate a scrambled egg. And then I went back to sleep.

Oh my goodness – actually able to sleep on my wedding morning?!

And then at 11:20, we drove to my church where the ceremony would take place at 11:30.

And then I walked down the aisle. And I didn’t panic. And my stomach didn’t hurt. And I was able to eat at my reception. And I was able to have fun with my friends, with my family, and with my new husband. And I was able to give my speech at the end without any anxiety. And I didn’t need to take a gravol at all that day. I didn’t even have one panic attack.

I actually think my normally calm, cool, and collected husband was more anxious than I was on our wedding day.

And now I’m on my honeymoon, feeling a tiny bit panicked because I hate hotels, making the best of it. Because if I could survive my wedding day, I feel like I could survive anything.

2 thoughts on “So…I Got Married”

  1. Haha, your husband was definitely way more anxious than you were! You looked so calm all day, he was definitely pretty nervous in the morning and then mellowed out afterwards!

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