Dear Friends…I’m Sorry.


Last night, I cancelled on a friend. Not because of my anxiety, but because I was actually feeling sick. Still, it made me wonder how many times I cancelled on friends. How many times they were looking forward to seeing me, and an hour before our coffee date or shopping date or lunch date or Chapters date, and I cancelled. Not because I was sick, but because of my anxiety.10 times? No, I’ve probably cancelled on people 10 times in just the past 6 months. 20? Still too low. 50? Still low. We’re talking about my entire life here. It’s gotta be in the hundreds. I’ve let people down hundreds of times.

I’m not saying anxiety isn’t a good reason. Sometimes, it’s just impossible to things that are easy for others. Anxiety is a sickness. But it’s a sickness that sometimes, I can overcome. But sometimes, I can’t.

So friends, and old friends, and family, and fiancé…I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for all the cancelled plans. I’m sorry my anxiety gets in the way of our relationships. I’m sorry.

One good thing about anxiety is you really get to see who the people are who love you no matter what.

3 thoughts on “Dear Friends…I’m Sorry.

  1. I am the exact same way. I have this horrible phobia. I also have hypchondria. I struggle with anxiety, emetaphobia, and hypochondria DAILY. Lately, there hasn’t been one day that hasn’t gone by where I haven’t thought I was sick. It’s good to see someone else out there who feels the same way (well, not good that there is someone else struggling, but you know what I mean).

    I dread the winter because that’s when the virus goes around the most. I have cancelled plans on friends many times and I haven’t seen my friends in a while because of it. I take my temperature almost every day when I’m feeling anxious or “sick.” I put sick in quotes because sometimes I don’t know if I feel sick because of anxiety or sick because I’m actually sick.

    I hate everything about this phobia. It is the worst. I have started seeing a therapist this past summer but so far it hasn’t helped. I don’t know what to do besides fall victim to it.

    Thanks for posting a very relatable blog.

    1. Hi there!
      I’m so sorry you also have to deal with all this. It’s beyond frustrating, and can be so difficult and even embarrassing to try to explain to friends and family.
      It always feels good knowing you aren’t alone – even if you would never wish this upon anyone else.
      Just know I am currently going through the exact same thing as you. My stomach has been feeling “off” for months (but really, when is it ever even “on?”) and so going to class and going out has been extra difficult. Just remember, there are tons of other people who struggle with this, and it’s definitely possible to overcome!

      1. :). If you happened to check out my blog (not self-promoting, I hardly write in it lately) you’ll see I talk about the phobia and anxiety a lot too. You definitely gained a new subscriber (me!) and friend :) xx Carlee

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