Anxiety

I Stayed in School

A few weeks ago, I wrote my last post about hating Adobe InDesign. I really did hate it. I cried. Many times while trying to figure this complex program out. It was difficult. And I almost dropped the class. If it wasn’t for the rational words of my mom and my fiancé, I would have dropped this class. I probably would have dropped all my classes. 

Over the last year, I have made some incredible strides concerning my anxiety. For a while, it was almost as if it was gone completely. Those were the good days. Then I started this class. This semester. Even though I only have 3 classes and 2 days of school, I felt completely overwhelmed. At first, this was hard for my fiancé to understand. He’s one of the hardest workers I know. He doesn’t struggle with anxiety. He’s taking a full course load (5 classes), has school 3 days a week (on Thursdays, he’s there from 8:15-6:35…that’s not including the hour commute to and from school) and he works as a server on weekends.

I have 3 classes. 2 days of school. That’s it. My longest day is 11-5. Then, I get the next 5 days off. I don’t have a job. I don’t have my own house to maintain. That’s all I do. I go to three classes.

So WHY did I feel overwhelmed? Why did I want to drop out? Why did one little program allow me to feel like my world was over? I know, I know. It’s the anxiety. And I understand I have a disorder. I understand I can’t “just get over it.” But sometimes, I do need someone to tell me that I’m overreacting. Someone to tell me that it’s not a big deal. Someone to tell me that what I’m facing isn’t a mountain. It’s just a hill. Maybe it’s not even a hill – maybe it’s just a bump.

A while ago, I wrote a post called Bumps in the Road. It has a picture I drew, if you want to find it. My mountains are smaller than my fiancé’s…but they’re just as hard for me to get over. Still, I was able to do it this time. I stayed in school. And because I didn’t drop out, by the end of this semester, I will, Lord willing, have my very own book published.

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