First off, I want to start this post by saying…I’m back! After a few hiatuses, for various reasons, I’m back to blogging. I’ve missed blogging so much, but unfortunately, life got in the way. Recently, I showed my fiancé my blog – and he encouraged me to continue writing. So that is what I’m going to do.
On December 29th 2014, I watched Disney’s Tarzan again for the first time in 15 years. Tarzan came out in in 1999, when I was 7. When I was 7, I was in grade 2. When I was in grade 2, I caught a horrible stomach flu. Twice.
The stomach flu that I caught back in 1999 is what sparked my emetophobia. After the 2 weeks I was sick, my life changed forever. I was never the same. The emetophbia quickly took over my life, leading to rapid weight loss, extreme anxiety, and a fear of all social situations (as I was horrified of getting “sick” in front of people).
If you’ve read my blog before, you know I still struggle with emetophobia. Now, it’s much less severe. I can brave most social situations with limited to no anxiety. I can go away from home and eat at other people’s houses without overthinking. I can go to restaurants and not have a panic attack. I have mostly gotten over this fear, with some setbacks here and there. Thankfully, it doesn’t rule my life anymore. Thankfully, I don’t let it stop me from living anymore.
Except for some reason, I still couldn’t watch Tarzan. My dad bought me Tarzan when I was sick with the flu. I was so excited to watch it. So I did. And I was ‘sick’ throughout the entire thing.
Ever since then, hearing a Phil Collins song would give me a panic attack. Any reference to Tarzan made me queasy. I loved the movie, but only watched it once. I couldn’t bring myself to watch it again.
At first, I thought it was just because the songs reminded me of the horrible, ‘sick’ feelings I experienced the first time I watched the movie. And yeah, that was partly it.
But it was also a bit of superstition.
“The first time I watched Tarzan, I got sick. If I watch Tarzan again, maybe I will get sick again.”
As a Christian, I couldn’t be thinking like this. So last week, with my fiancé, I worked up the courage to watch Tarzan.
We watched the whole thing, and I was okay. I was okay. There was no magic curse on Tarzan that would make me get sick again. It was just a movie. It was just my own, silly, stupid, superstition.
Once again, I was able to get over my fears – even if that fear seems so incredibly minor or silly or stupid or strange to someone else – I still did it. I got over it.
And that felt amazing.