Emetophobia

I Watched Tarzan

First off, I want to start this post by saying…I’m back! After a few hiatuses, for various reasons, I’m back to blogging. I’ve missed blogging so much, but unfortunately, life got in the way. Recently, I showed my fiancé my blog – and he encouraged me to continue writing. So that is what I’m going to do.

On December 29th 2014, I watched Disney’s Tarzan again for the first time in 15 years. Tarzan came out in in 1999, when I was 7. When I was 7, I was in grade 2. When I was in grade 2, I caught a horrible stomach flu. Twice.

The stomach flu that I caught back in 1999 is what sparked my emetophobia. After the 2 weeks I was sick, my life changed forever. I was never the same. The emetophbia quickly took over my life, leading to rapid weight loss, extreme anxiety, and a fear of all social situations (as I was horrified of getting “sick” in front of people).

If you’ve read my blog before, you know I still struggle with emetophobia. Now, it’s much less severe. I can brave most social situations with limited to no anxiety. I can go away from home and eat at other people’s houses without overthinking. I can go to restaurants and not have a panic attack. I have mostly gotten over this fear, with some setbacks here and there. Thankfully, it doesn’t rule my life anymore. Thankfully, I don’t let it stop me from living anymore.

Except for some reason, I still couldn’t watch Tarzan. My dad bought me Tarzan when I was sick with the flu. I was so excited to watch it. So I did. And I was ‘sick’ throughout the entire thing.

Ever since then, hearing a Phil Collins song would give me a panic attack. Any reference to Tarzan made me queasy. I loved the movie, but only watched it once. I couldn’t bring myself to watch it again.

At first, I thought it was just because the songs reminded me of the horrible, ‘sick’ feelings I experienced the first time I watched the movie. And yeah, that was partly it.

But it was also a bit of superstition.

“The first time I watched Tarzan, I got sick. If I watch Tarzan again, maybe I will get sick again.”

As a Christian, I couldn’t be thinking like this. So last week, with my fiancé, I worked up the courage to watch Tarzan.

We watched the whole thing, and I was okay. I was okay. There was no magic curse on Tarzan that would make me get sick again. It was just a movie. It was just my own, silly, stupid, superstition.

Once again, I was able to get over my fears – even if that fear seems so incredibly minor or silly or stupid or strange to someone else – I still did it. I got over it.

And that felt amazing.

2 thoughts on “I Watched Tarzan”

  1. It’s really inspiring to read about how good it feelt for you to face your fear and overcome it. I totally relate, because I had a bad panic attack over thinking I was going to vomit in a movie theater, and consequently the nausea from the panic made it worse. Ever since then, I was afraid of movie theaters and always felt anxious in them, and avoided going to them at all costs. Finally, I went to see Into the Woods and enjoyed the whole thing without anxiety. It felt so good to enjoy the theater experience again, and reminded me not to let anxiety take control. Anyway, thanks for sharing!

    1. That is awesome! I’m so glad you were able to get over the movie theatre anxiety :) It may not seem like a big deal to other people, but I totally understand what you were going through.
      Thank you for your comment!

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