…Well, I’m not sure. Because I’ve never successfully stopped. I’m not in a constant state of worry (though I’m sure some people in my life would beg to differ), but I’ve never had real peace of mind. There is never a time when I feel 100% safe or relaxed or comfortable. Partially, of course, it’s because I have an anxiety disorder. But it’s not just that. I think it’s also because I’m scared of what would happen if I stopped worrying.
This is a sad truth. I don’t know what I would do with myself. If one day someone told me that they could magically stop me from ever worrying about anything ever again, I think that would scare me a little. Of course, I would probably say yes to this hypothetical-wish-granter – but it would be hard.
Because my worrying has become a part of me. It has become a part of my mind. It’s become embedded in my thought process.
And that totally sucks!
But it’s true.
I’m a control freak. I will admit it. For some stupid reason, I can feel myself latching on to worry – as if it can somehow help me. As if it can somehow save me. As if somehow, worrying is what stops bad things from happening. How much sense does that make? Like, zero.
I realized recently that this is partially why I worry so much. I feel like worrying gives me a (false) feeling of control over my situations. Like, if somehow, someway, constantly thinking about every, single bad thing that could happen to me will stop them from happening. And I’m scared that if I stop being scared, something scary will happen. It will come exploding out of nowhere.
I won’t be ready for it. I won’t be prepared.
But life doesn’t work that way. And worrying doesn’t stop bad things from happening. But sometimes, it can stop good things from happening. Because it holds me back. It gets a grip on you – on your thoughts – and it’s almost impossible to let it go.
This Bible verse really helps me out when I find myself in a state of constant worry. Even people who are not Christians can appreciate this verse. It’s really just common sense.
“Can any of you add an hour to your life by worrying?
If you can’t even do a small thing like that,
why worry about other things?”
So, yeah. I struggle with worry. Sometimes, I even worry about how much I worry! It’s a cycle. It’s frustrating. But it doesn’t help. And it doesn’t do anything productive. It can’t do anything for you, or for me. It can’t even add a single hour to my life.