I Went To Class

If you read my last post, you’ll know that I’ve been having a bit of trouble with my emetophobia the past few days. My stomach has been more upset than usual – which means my anxiety has also been more than usual. On top of that, I started back at school only a week ago, and of course, change hates me. And I hate it. So I haven’t been having a great time the past little while. 

This morning I was feeling pretty good. I just woke up from a pretty freakin’ awesome dream, where I was held captive by some crazy political group in a strange, dystopian 1984esque world (I have no idea what goes on in my mind). I managed to escape the makeshift prison and went on a vigilante killing spree, setting a whole bunch of people free.

Okay, yeah. That’s kind of weird. But…weirdly awesome! Probably had something to do with the fact that I had just watched V for Vendetta yesterday. Anyway, the point is, I was feeling good. But then as the morning dragged on, I started to get anxious about my stomach. Because I had missed last class, I kept thinking “Oh no! What if something happens that makes me miss THIS class! And then that’s two classes I missed. And the first test – worth 40% of my mark, mind you – is already in TWO weeks! Oh no. I’m going to miss class again. I’m going to fail.”

I basically psyched myself out. Which I do a lot.

And then my stomach started to hurt. And my acid reflux started to get pretty bad. And I started to feel nauseous. And then, I didn’t want to go to class. But at 11:45, I packed up my bag, grabbed a water bottle from the basement, said good-bye to my dog, and hopped in my car.

And I drove to school. And I was panicked the whole way there!

When I go to my parking lot, I seriously considered turning around and driving back home. But I didn’t. When I walked into the main building, I seriously considered turning around, walking back to the parking lot, and driving back home. But I didn’t. When I got to class, I seriously considered walking out of the room, running back to my car, and driving back home. But I didn’t. After half the class was done – you guessed it – I considered leaving class early, walking to my car, and driving back home. But I didn’t.

I lasted the whole two hour class. I even went to the bookstore and bought a really nice agenda after!

So, there you go. I did it afraid. I didn’t give in. Not this time.

5 thoughts on “I Went To Class

  1. Isn’t that such an awesome feeling?? It’s so uncomfortable, but whenever I make myself stay somewhere the whole time, it’s like I’m on top of the world.

      1. You definitely did! It may sound small, but when you think about it, to you it felt like you were on your way to your impending doom, but you went in there and did what you needed to do anyway. :)

  2. Great job! It can be so difficult but you’ve done it now, and next time it will be a tinier bit easier to go to class because you know you can and you’ve done it before :) God bless!

  3. Good job! I remember being in College and struggling with the idea of going to class sick!. I am married and pregnant now so I still deal with it. I just know what you’re going through.

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