Today, one of my friends texted me and asked if I was doing anything tonight. Nope, I had no plans. And yet, my instant reaction was to say “oh sorry, I’m busy.” Or “Oh sorry, I’m really tired from work, maybe another night.” I don’t know what’s been going on with me lately, but I haven’t been feeling very social. And that sort of sucks.
However, even though I wasn’t feeling very social, instead of blowing my friend off, I decided to just say “I’m free tonight. Let’s hang out.” And so we did. And even though I initially felt like I didn’t want to pry myself off my bedroom floor and actually do something…I did it. And I had fun. Like always. I do this to myself all the time. I psych myself out. I tell myself that I would rather be alone. But in reality, I love spending time with my friends, and most of the time, wish I had a better social life!
So why am I like this right now? I don’t know for sure. I think it partly has to do with my anxiety. I feel as though I’m going through a pretty rough patch. Not just with my anxiety, but just a general feeling of…depression? That may be too harsh of a word. Feeling down. But I’m trying to power through it. And I’m glad I didn’t give in today.
Know why? Because my friend and I had an awesome time. We went shopping, and I bought a really cute new skirt. Then she came back to my house and we ate a delicious dinner of pasta, meatballs, fried zucchini, and other veggies (…my mom is an amazing cook). After that, we played Mario Party 5 on my old Gamecube. And then I got her to watch the first episode of Breaking Bad (Trying to convert her to becoming a fan). All in all, it was a lot better than sitting alone in my room watching TV for the rest of the night.
So, although I didn’t want to do anything tonight…I did. And I think that’s a +1 for me. A +1 because I didn’t give into my stupid fears. Because I didn’t let my anxiety and weird mood ruin my day. Because I actually had fun. Because I’m not going to push my friends away because of my own issues. That’s why it was a +1. And I feel good.