I am a jealous person. I hate to admit it, and I usually don’t admit it. But here I am…admitting it. I get jealous very easily. I compare my life to others without even thinking twice about it. And worst of all, when a friend or family member tells me something great happened to them, instead of feeling happy…I feel upset.
Funny how right within the word “jealousy” there’s the word “lousy“. Jealousy makes me feel pretty lousy. It makes me feel like a pretty lousy friend when I can’t be happy for other’s success.
Just tonight, one of my best friends came over. We had a great time catching up, and she told me about the great new guy in her life. How they’ve been having so much fun together, and all the adventures they’ve been going on. Now, having just been through a (very, very minor) failed “romance” – instead of feeling happy for my friend…I was sad. For myself. “Well…see! Everyone around you is finding themselves in a happy relationship! Too bad things didn’t work out with so-and-so! You could have been happy just like ________!” Or “Oh look. __________ has a job where she can meet awesome guys! Too bad you don’t. You’ll never find anyone. Ever. You’re too picky. Alone forever. Start collecting cats now.”
How completely and utterly selfish is that?! Then I felt guilty for feeling like this, which made me feel even worse, and then I started comparing my life and love life and even work life with hers….and within 5 minutes I was faking a smile, and dealing with some serious emotional turmoil.
I know that is not how I should be dealing with things. That is definitely not Christ-like. Not even close! And yeah, yeah, I know that no one is perfect. So I decided the only thing to do was see what the Bible had to say about envy. And of course…I wasn’t surprised. Proverbs 14:30 says;
“A heart at peace gives life to the body,
but envy rots the bones.”
Envy rots the bones.
Well, I don’t know about you…but I don’t want to have rotten bones. So, next time, even when I feel jealous and I put on that fake smile…I won’t dwell on those thoughts. And then I know eventually, that fake smile will turn into a real one.