Anxiety, Emetophobia

11 Hours

How long is 11 hours? Well…it’s 11 hours. 660 minutes. That’s it. But it seems that sometimes, time is relative. 11 hours is pretty short if you’re talking about a lifespan, or a prison sentence, or a vacation. But 11 hours is pretty long if you’re talking about a phone call, or a shopping spree, or the time it takes to read this blog post. You know what else feels really long in 11 hours? A panic attack. 

A few posts ago, I mentioned the fact that I had an 11 hour panic attack. And no, I was not exaggerating…and am not exaggerating now. It was actually 11 hours. 660 minutes. Yup. And it sucked.

It happened on the way to my vacation. I went with my family, and we drove there. Two days in the car for 10 hours can drive anyone crazy.  But I wasn’t worried about the long car ride, I was, as always, worried about my stomach. “What if I get sick here, in the car, with my whole family, on this scorching hot day?! That would be so HORRIBLE!” I made myself worry about something that hadn’t happened yet – like I always do.

And it lasted 11 hours. By the time I finally fell asleep that night, I was completely exhausted. I thought I was going to die. I had barely eaten anything the whole day which just made everything worse. By the time we got to the hotel I was actually gagging, but nothing ended up happening.

The worst part is that I did it all to myself. I wasn’t sick. But I made myself feel sick.

None of it was worth it. And I hate that I did that to myself. But, of course, it’s something I need to work on. I don’t really have any encouraging words today, but just know that it’s NEVER worth it. And sometimes, “mind over matter” can help. It may not make everything better, but I really wish I hadn’t given into those thoughts.

I could have saved myself 11 hours.

2 thoughts on “11 Hours”

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