11 Hours

How long is 11 hours? Well…it’s 11 hours. 660 minutes. That’s it. But it seems that sometimes, time is relative. 11 hours is pretty short if you’re talking about a lifespan, or a prison sentence, or a vacation. But 11 hours is pretty long if you’re talking about a phone call, or a shopping spree, or the time it takes to read this blog post. You know what else feels really long in 11 hours? A panic attack. 

A few posts ago, I mentioned the fact that I had an 11 hour panic attack. And no, I was not exaggerating…and am not exaggerating now. It was actually 11 hours. 660 minutes. Yup. And it sucked.

It happened on the way to my vacation. I went with my family, and we drove there. Two days in the car for 10 hours can drive anyone crazy.  But I wasn’t worried about the long car ride, I was, as always, worried about my stomach. “What if I get sick here, in the car, with my whole family, on this scorching hot day?! That would be so HORRIBLE!” I made myself worry about something that hadn’t happened yet – like I always do.

And it lasted 11 hours. By the time I finally fell asleep that night, I was completely exhausted. I thought I was going to die. I had barely eaten anything the whole day which just made everything worse. By the time we got to the hotel I was actually gagging, but nothing ended up happening.

The worst part is that I did it all to myself. I wasn’t sick. But I made myself feel sick.

None of it was worth it. And I hate that I did that to myself. But, of course, it’s something I need to work on. I don’t really have any encouraging words today, but just know that it’s NEVER worth it. And sometimes, “mind over matter” can help. It may not make everything better, but I really wish I hadn’t given into those thoughts.

I could have saved myself 11 hours.

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