I realized something today. Something that is actually pretty sad. I’m scared of being happy. I don’t know what happened in my life to make me this way. But I am genuinely scared about being happy. I’m scared that if I’m happy, something horrible will happen. I’m scared that if good things happen, something bad must on it’s way. This is no way to live.
Seriously! Who the heck gets SCARED when good things happen to them?! I just started an amazing new job with one of my best friends, and this past weekend I was blessed with so many things. It seems like things are looking up.
The problem is, I was scared to type that. I was scared that if I so much as acknowledge the fact that good things are happening, they will be taken away. Why am I like this?
I don’t know. But I know it is neither healthy nor Christ-like. This problem is robbing me from joy, and not only that, but it is making me too scared to be thankful. So many times in the Bible it talks about giving thanks (in the bad times – and good!) This is kind of hard to do when you are too afraid.
Anyway, I don’t know exactly what I’m going to do about this problem aside from pray about it. But I’m glad that I realized this sooner rather than later. I don’t want to be like this for the rest of my life. And I won’t.