The Un-Role Model

There is someone in my life who I love very much, but am terrified of turning out like. No, it is not either of my parents, but it is someone in my family.

I can see a lot of myself in this person; a lot of the things I don’t like about myself. And when I see how other people respond to her behaviour, it makes me realize that I never want to be like that. Although she suffers from depression, and I from anxiety, we do have a lot in common. It makes me realize that there are a lot of habits I need to change now before it’s “too late”.

I don’t want to be ungrateful even when so many people are doing so much for me.
I don’t want to refuse help when I desperately need it.
I don’t want others to avoid my phone calls when they see my number on their caller ID.
I don’t want to make people depressed just from talking to me for ten minutes,
I don’t want to grow old and wish I had done everything in my life differently.
I don’t want to wallow in self-pity every moment I’m awake.
I don’t want to spend visits with my family crying about what I wish I had.

I don’t want to do anything of the things I see my un-role model doing. Like I said, I love her very much, and she is family. But I don’t want to turn out that way.
I have seen the way a negative attitude and the avoidance of your problems can affect someone. And I’ll tell you, it’s not pretty.

Role models are important, but sometimes seeing your potential in someone who you don’t look up to can be even more jarring.

It’s sort of a wake-up call.

I also just want to say that I know it sounds like I’m being harsh. And this person does have problems with depression, and I am not being insensitive to those who do struggle with that. But the person I’m talking about suffers more from a perpetual negative attitude, ungratefulness, and feeling depressed about her life situation. She has been to doctors and does not have clinical depression or anything like that.

2 thoughts on “The Un-Role Model

  1. This is very insightful from someone so young. I’m glad you are thinking about these things. When I was 21, I met a very nice older person. She had long white hair and seemed to be in her 70’s. She was the sweetest person I had ever met. I had worked with older people and noticed that almost all of them were mean and nasty. They all had bad attitudes. It didn’t matter how nice you were to them, they were unhappy perpetually. Nothing made them happy.

    So when I met this really nice older lady, I was shocked. I asked her how come she was nice when all the other older people I knew were NOT nice. She told me her secret. She said, “Honey, if you are a nice younger person, you will be a nice older person. As a person ages, they show more of their real self.” So, since then, I have worked to make sure I am a nice person NOW. I don’t want to end up a mean old crabby lady someday that makes everyone’s life miserable. :)

    Anyway, I appreciate your post. I’m working on my anxiety and just posted something this week that has really helped me. It’s a little heart exercise to help you overcome 1 fear. You might like it.
    – Sandy Walker, Freedom Coach

    1. Thank you very much for reading my blog and for your comment :)
      I will definitely check out yours, I love reading about others and their experience with anxiety.It helps me to remember I’m not alone!

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