If you are reading my blog and you don’t come from a Christian background, you might not understand the ridiculous pressure there is from the Christian community to get married.
Thankfully, my church is very modern and I don’t really feel pressured from the people I know, but it’s just, marriage is taught to be something we are all supposed to want from a very young age (actually – this is probably true for most girls regardless of your background) and it’s pounded into our heads until you get older and start to worry you’re running out of time.
I’m only 21. But sometimes I think: I’m already 21.
Most of my friends are not even close to thinking about marriage. Most of them have told me they don’t plan on getting married until they are at least 30.
But not me.
I’ve had one serious relationship. And of course, like most other young, Christian girls, I assumed that because we had been together for so long we were going to get married. And this guy and I talked about it all the time. Yet in the back of my mind I always knew that he was not the right guy for me. But I kept ignoring it. He was my first boyfriend, and isn’t it the “dream” to marry your “first love” !?
Well I was never really okay with that. There were a lot of red flags that I chose to ignore because I was 18 years old and had zero experience with this whole relationship thing.
It’s been almost 4 years since this, and 2 since we’ve broken up. I’ve never been happier. This guy and I are still friends which I am so grateful for, but I am so glad things did not work out between us.
I know that I am NOT running out of time. I’m 21 and I have so much more to do before I’m ready to get married, and I have so many other amazing things in my life that make me happy!
Sometimes it’s just hard to be single in a community where you hear of people getting engaged after only dating for three months (which I don’t particularly agree with – but hey, it’s not my life).
Don’t get me wrong, after being single for over a year now, I would love to start a new relationship with a great guy.
I also find it really annoying that it’s a “bad” thing to SAY you want a relationship. “Oh, don’t be desperate” or “But being single is sooooo much fun!” There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship as long as you are not obsessing over it, and as long as you aren’t letting the fact that you are still single make you depressed or anxious.
And I would much rather be single than be in a relationship with someone who I don’t see a future with. That is a waste of my time. I’ve dated enough to know what I want and need.
Anyway – I have a lot of thoughts about being a “single, Christian girl” and even though I feel the pressure to get married in an indirect way, I can only imagine how others feel who are experiencing it first hand by either their family, church or friends.
So, since I don’t have anywhere else to express my feelings about this subject, I’ll probably end up writing a few other posts on it.