Top Five

So, as I was sitting here on my laptop procrastinating studying for my midterm (which is tomorrow, by the way) I started thinking about all the stupid things I’ve been afraid of in the past. Don’t ask me why that thought popped into my head. I don’t even understand myself.
I actually found it sort of funny… the completely ridiculous things that have caused me to have panic attacks or severe anxiety.
Majority of my anxiety comes from worry about my health/fear of throwing up (emetophobia).

So I’ve decided to list the top 5 most ridiculous things I’ve been afraid of (that I can remember) so you can laugh along with me.
P.S. These aren’t in any specific order

1. That I had a tumor on my neck – turned out to be a swollen node (I had a cold)
2. That I had somehow contracted lyme disease (even though where I live, it’s virtually unheard of, and I hadn’t even been near or around a forest)
3. That I was having a heart attack…at age 10.
4. That a small paper cut on my hand would somehow get infected and I would die of flesh-eating disease overnight.
5. That when I went to the zoo a few years ago, a freak accident would happen, a tiger/lion or crazed chimp/ape/baboon would escape it’s cage and attack me.

These all sound really stupid and almost sort of funny right now. I mean, all those things are technically possible, I guess. Flesh-eating disease is a real thing and of course, people do get sick with cancer. My grandmother is fighting it right now. But the point is, I worried myself in a frenzy when none of those things actually happened. I’ve never had flesh eating disease, and I’ve never been attacked by a crazed zoo animal.

So, on a more positive note, I also want to tell you the top 5 times I have overcome my anxiety.

1. When I saw my favourite band play live.
2. When I went on a church retreat and stayed overnight a few years ago, even though my stomach was in knots the whole time (And I also went camping for the first time).
3. When I went on a date with a really nice guy, even though I was so nervous I wanted to bail the second I saw him (And no, we aren’t together now – but it was a very good experience).
4. The fact that I decided to go to university and am in a program that is fairly intense, has small class sizes, and requires basically perfect attendance.
5. When I went downtown and took a subway with a few friends during rush hour.

So I know these don’t sound like a lot. But to me, they are great accomplishments. Looking back at the times I was able to say “screw it!” to my anxiety and do what I love anyway – those are the times that keep me going, and remind me that I can do it again.

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